Nothing that I expected

This season has been nothing that I expected. Each day I have put one foot in front of the other pursuing my passion and my dream. I am nothing but grateful for that. I am a professional hockey player in every sense. Skill, drive, passion. I know I am and I know I am because of the lows I have experience this year. We all know the quotes that you find who you are at the bottom and on the way to the top. I have found who I am, what I am and what I want in the bottom parts of this year. March 31st of 2023, I had a knee surgery that to many would have been career ending. That didn't stop me. Nothing this year has stopped me. The team I am playing for, all the games we have lost, all the difficulties with in the organization in which I play has not stopped me. The calluses that have formed in my heart and in my mind will not be there forever and with each new day I am becoming more me then ever.

When I look back specifically on the hockey aspect for me this year, I have learned that confidence is within me and me alone. I am just now starting to believe in myself again. To start this year a lot of my confidence on the ice was smothered March 31st of last year. Starved of oxygen and wilted. It has taken everyday to gain that back, with many set backs. It is still not where it once was. I have learned that in professional hockey and on stage that I play on, confidence needs to come from within. I cannot seek confidence through my coach, or my general manager or anyone for that matter because they aren't there for me in this organization. To play at this level it has to come from within. Each and everyone of us has it in us to be something special we just need to accept who we are, and where we are at, all while knowing where we want to be and what it will take to get us there. This year has been nothing of what I expect. That being said growing confidence comes from within, but it can be taken away by external factors. It can be taken away by coaches, others teammates and anyone that can see potential within you. From the first game this year, people have tried to take my confidence away and it has been a struggle to stay above water. Those people and situations that have taken my confidence don't define me and I am better for it. I never want to be in the situations that I have been in this year. I never want to have the people around me and in power above me be able to and have the power to take my confidence from me. They won't ever again because this is my journey and my life and my confidence is there and it is strong. Those people don't have power over me or my life and I know that I will be some where better for it. I have faith that I will play some where that supports me and believes in who I am. I will take with me the lessons in confidence and who I am.

Another one of the biggest lessons that I have learned isn't in the realm of playing. It is in the realm of coaching. I will be an amazing coach because of the lessons I have learned this year. Through any playing career we all have the coaches we love, and the coaches we don't. I will be the coach players love. I know the importance of a coach in a players life. I know the impact that they have on all aspects of a players life. I have learned that as a coach there are ways to build players up while providing the necessary criticism that is needed for the player to improve. Everyone is different in there unique way and it is the coaches job to understand each and every player and what they need, what they desire and what they can bring to the table, on the ice and in the locker room. Coaches are there to inspire, to lead and to formulate the best plan to bring all players together to win. In hockey and in any sport there is a winner and a loser. Each a vital aspect of why we play the games we play.

The job of the coach is to take those losses to inspire the want and hope of winning. The want and hope of getting better from each loss. This is something that I didn't have this year. No coach inspired me to be better, no coach has helped me to see that I was good enough or strong enough or skilled enough to play here. I will never be like the coaches I have had this year. I will be better, I will encourage and I will support each player on there own and each player within the roll they play on the team.

Through this year I have see places that I never thought I would see, found friendships that will be with me forever and had experience that many will never get. I have been to six different countries, and experienced cultures that many people dream of. I have traveled more this year then most people will do in their lifetime. I am grateful for every opportunity that I have had to see the world and I relish in the fact that hockey has brought me these opportunities, these experiences and these people.

The life that I live is uncommon, the people in my circle are uncommon and the love that we have is uncommon. I am grateful to my family for helping me to live this life. I am grateful to them for their unwavering support and their love to get me through each day. I am grateful to my parents for alway encouraging me to strive to be the best and to strive each day to follow my dreams and my heart. I am grateful for my sister for always building me up and showing me that even through my faults I have beauty. I am grateful for my brother for always trying to spin negatives into positives when it comes to hockey. I have been graced with nothing but a wonderful life and this year through all the ups and downs and through all the hard times, I know that no matter how hard or far I fall I will have someone there to pick me up. To nurture my thoughts and to support me when I feel nothing about me is good, beautiful or strong. Each day is a new opportunity in life to be something meaningful. Despite the struggles this year each day has taught me something important. For that I am grateful.